Alas, I have hit the 40 week mark in my pregnancy and I am still pregnant with Baby Morgan. Baby Morgan is fully content to continue his/her residency within the womb and while I am happy with this, I am also very uncomfortable and ready to begin real labor.
For those that don’t know, I have been in simulated or false labor since 32 weeks. I have had full days of contractions and labor symptoms only to have them vanish and come back days later. The most frustrating part is the lack of understanding many people have. They think, oh, false labor. No big deal. Right? Wrong. False labor is much like real labor, minus the effacement and cervical dilation. Thankfully, without the effacement and dilation, one cannot be in pre-term labor. This scare became real for us just after 32 weeks while on vacation in New Hampshire and while we soon learned we were not in danger of pre-term labor, the false labor continues to this day. I have asked the Lord more times than not, “Why does this have to be hard?” He always says to me, “It doesn’t have to be.”
Another frustrating part is the “advice” others have. The say, “Oh, stress is bringing this on, go relax somewhere.” They say, “Be patient. The baby will come when the baby wants to.” They tell me, “Stop worrying so much, you’re such a worrier.” “Don’t think about the fact that you are moving to a new house. Focus on the baby but don’t focus too much because the stress will cause contractions.” Truthfully, hearing these “bits of advice,” while coming from well-meaning people, only adds to my stress levels. I have often bowed my head and asked God, “Why do people blame me? Why do they want to make this hard for me?” He always says to me, “They love you.”
False labor has caused us to head to the hospital more times than once to check the baby, to check on unknown bleeding, to check on possible amniotic leakage, and just 36 hours ago, we were at the hospital in what I remember as, full-blown labor only to find out my uterus was in full-blown panic mode and not actually doing much. I have asked the Lord, many times, “Why is this happening?” He always says to me, “Trust me.”
Running to the hospital in the middle of the night, uprooting our three-year old from his bed, and the simple exhaustion of it all has been tough. Coming home to a house full of boxes, working on the logistics of moving, trying to keep up care with the house, bills, and family, has been tough. Much of the past eight weeks has been quite tough. There are times I bow my head and ask God, “Why does this have to be so hard?” He gently says to me, “Megan, there is someone fighting a far harder battle.” It is true. Someone is fighting a far harder battle and while it is important not to diminish our own feelings based on what others are going through, it is far more important to pray and send love to those fighting that hard battle than it is to wallow in our own battle. It is important to put all of our worries and stress and frustration at the Lord’s feet so we have the strength to pray and love and hope for those fighting their hard battle.
When I step back and look at the whole picture, I realize just how blessed I am. While everything might look like a hodgepodge of life thrown into one box, shaken up a bunch of times, and scattered at my feet, I know I have it easy. I am blessed with a beautiful family, family and friends who care for and love us, a brand new baby in my womb and heart, and the gift of living my life with those I love.
We all have much to learn and while our battles teach, guide, and shape us, it is the struggles of others that truly humble us. They force us to step outside of our own lives and give us a chance to pray for the renewal, comfort, and the wisdom of God for those fighting the hardest battle of all.
I know at the end of the day, God is ultimately telling me, “Do not lose yourself in your own battle for those fighting their hardest battle, need you.”
Blessings, Joy, and Love,
The Joyful Homemaker